irkenfandomcom-20200213-history
Izumi Konata
Konata is Awesome Konata Izumi was born on October 53, 1947 to Kanata Izumi wearing a sailor uniform. Soujiru, her father, Chuck Norris, her uncle, and Cookie Monster were all present. Unlike SOME embodiments of divinity, she was born on a golden pillow, 3 square miles across. Beats the hell out of a manger, eh? Konata is The Greatest Human to Ever Live When she came into being, every entity in existance made note of it. The Redundant Department of Redundancy recorded it 86,901 times. They saved it a lot of times. They wrote it down many, many, many times.They taped it a lot of times. They taped it a lot of times. This was because they were redundant, for they were the Redundant Department of Redundancy, and they did things over and over and over and over again. They recorded it more than twice. In fact, they did it a lot of times. Over and over and over and over and over. teh Ceiling Cat wuz very jellius of teh new konatas in teh other dimention. he rulez over teh Kitteh Dimention, so he all he had was teh Happy Cat. an he sed, "Ju hummans hath incurd mah wrath! ill take dis konata humman for mahself!" but he cuoldnt becus konata's sooperawesome-kitteh-protekshun powwers stoped him. When the Great King Harkinian learned of it, he let loose a tremendous "OOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHHH" and declared it a national holiday. Unfortunately, October 53 never existed in any year other than 1947, so Izumi-Sama has no birthday. Nevertheless, The King still has a celebratory Dinner every October 52.5, which has been deemed "Close enough, Boi." Dispite this phenominon, the Irken Empire possesses the technology to synthesize an extra day in the year, and holds an appropriate celebration for the Otaqueen every year. The Pope of the Catholic Church, the Flying Spaghetti Abassador, and the Head of the Irken Embassy all declared Izumi-Sama to be the new Secratary of Pretty Much Everything, and the Intergalactic Awards Committee awarded her a Norris Brutality Prize (which had never existed beforehand) and a Nobel Neurotoxin-Immunity Prize within 2.6 seconds of her birth. It was declared all throughout the Galaxy, "HOLY SHIT IT'S KONATA!" There was much rejoicing. Relationship With Kagami Hiiragi Questionable. Konata is Amazing When she was 16, Konata became a wildly successful actress. Let me rephrase that... a SAVAGELY successful actress, meaning that she was better than Hiiragi in Every. Single. Way. She's the main character, so that's cool. Mostly, she just plays as herself, although occationally as herself as Haruhi. Suzumia has displayed an eternal graditude to being bestowed such a dubious honor. It has been proven, however, that Lucky Star does not exist. Otherwise, Konata would know about it. What most people don't know about Lucky Star is that it actually has Irken I.D. No. 62248123082704 in it. He is known to most humans as Zim. You never see him in the anime because it takes place in Japan, whereas he lives in America. Kagami Yoshimizu has addressed this in an interview, saying "離れてください。私は英語を話せない。". This raised many questions pertaining to the actual purpose of coathangers, but she honestly doesn't care.